Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its not stalking. its research.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize