but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
