ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
