I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
