the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize