We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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