Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
