You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
