I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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