Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
