We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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