You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
