I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize