what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
