Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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