your parents love me but you hate me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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