She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
