ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
