Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
