The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
