I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
