What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
