I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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