Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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