Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
