you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
