I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
