That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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