how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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