So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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