Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize