my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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