i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
