maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
home. puking in laundry basket.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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