Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's like iHOP with fire
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
