but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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