somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
