The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
