We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ketchup is God's man juice
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
