How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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