I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
