Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
