it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Two words: nipple clamps
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