Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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