i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
