Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
