Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
