Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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