Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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