watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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