I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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