I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
