Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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