They should really pass out barf bags in church
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
