there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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