I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
