I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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