2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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