what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
