it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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