This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
