totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
