I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
