Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
