Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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