May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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