Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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