the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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