What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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