never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
