I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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