oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
