I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
