Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize