Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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