all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
