Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize