yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
