Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
