Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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