Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
