if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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