First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't deserve a penis
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
