You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Im part way to drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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