it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i now understand why vodka
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
