Don't make out with my wife yet
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
