I can text with my tongue
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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