Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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