I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
