Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
