Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize