this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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