Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize