i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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