She said her name was "party"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
