My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
