it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
