I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
